While taking the train two days in a row, I’ve been lucky enough to notice more shit that I hate. I hate feet. I hate when guys wear sandals. I hate girls with gross feet. We all know about lazy toes. Basically like a lazy eye but when one rebel toe just doesn’t really feel like hanging out with the other nine. But one chick on the train yesterday had the grossest toes I’ve personally ever seen. She had one lazy toe on the left foot but her right foot almost made me yack. Everything looked proportionate until I saw that her pinky toe was basically another big toe. Her foot looked like a plastic fork with the middle prongs broken off. Her foot looked like Bowser’s castle and the princess was trapped somewhere inside. Re-telling this story almost made me puke.
Another story from the train involves a full grown man staring at me for 15-25 straight seconds. I’m usually never sure if I’m staring or being stared at, well, unless its a hot little feminina in which case I’m the culprit. But in this case, I was just jamming to my ipod (T-Swift and Miley) when the train stops at Arlington. I look up to check for some sexy slant outside the train but just see one dude and assumed we had just accidentally caught eyes, no big deal. Look up 5 seconds later and he’s still staring. Awkward. Ten more seconds go by and I see him still peeping. At around the 20 second mark, I just give in and stare back. So we pretty much just locked eyes until the train mercifully left. My two thoughts on him are that he was either a gay weirdo (likely) or he was possessed by the devil and I was unknowingly in Final Destination 15 (slightly less likely).
Last story. My roommates and I had a beer di tourney the other day and invited about 30 kids. If you don’t know what beer di is, go suck an egg. It is an institution in Bingtown and taken way too seriously by some kids, including most of the kids invited by the way. Now these are all old high school friends but people we see out a decent amount so nobody too random. The tourney was fun besides a couple of chumps winning. But the point I’m more worried about is when I talked to all these people throughout the day. Most, if not all of these hamhocks ended up talking to me about high school basketball. Now I was arguably (definitely) the best basketball player ever in my hometown but it got me thinking. What have I done lately? I still have the same job, same friends, a shitty car, no girlfriend and an unsure future. Besides writing this silly blog that maybe 22 people read, I really have accomplished nothing in the last 6 or so years. And this blog isn’t even an accomplishment. It’s a little depressing. I mean I’ve had fun and crushed an estimated 25,000 beers and almost as many chicks (three) but I’m still basically in the same spot. This story isn’t really that funny, just kind of sad. Unless me being a loser is funny in which case keep laughing ya big meanies.
Would it be funnier to know that I wrote this entire blog on the toilet?